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Friday, February 09, 2007


Final act of godmothering

... or godfathering, if your taste runs that way.

It's been a long day, and there's one christening left to attend in the parish. The service is boring, the food is bad, and you're just bone tired. You need some cheering up. And what better way to do that than to give the kid a comedy wish? Can be either good or bad, as long as it amuses you.

So, for instance, I'm giving mine the ability to take on the form of any animal in the world - but only from the ears out.

Dear Kit

I tried sending an email to the address listed but it was rejected. I just wanted to say how much I love the publisher-dating dictionary, which I tell everyone about. Apart from being very funny, I think it does what nothing else to my knowledge has achieved: giving authors an insight into the way in which their first approaches are perceived by publishing professionals, and explaining in a way in which people are fairly certain to understand why certain approaches are so unpopular.

I am quite often invited to lecture or do seminars at creative writing courses around the country; would you have any objection to my printing, photocopying and handing out the publisher-dating dictionary page of your website to writers on the various courses?

Best wishes

Glad you like it! You're welcome to use it on condition that you make it clear it's my copyright and refer to this website on the handouts - sound okay to you? :-)
Well, since this kid is going to grow up to be a great leader, some inspirational ruler to lead a kingdom perhaps, we know they're going to give speeches, and so will have some bad stage fright sooner or later. For that occasion, I bestow upon the child the ability to see everyone in the audience wearing nothing but their underwear.
Ha ha ha!
There's nothing kids like better than soap bubbles. Right? And babies love blowing bubbles, right?

So, I bestow upon the infant that they will blow perfect soap bubbles, all glistening and refracting the light, every time they speak.

What? What?
I want to be able to do that!
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